How to ask for help with leaving an abusive home

If you are in danger or crisis, call the National Domestic Violence Hotline at 1-800-799-7233 first. In the UK or Ireland, call Samaritans at 116 123. Anywhere else, Find A Helpline can point you to free, confidential crisis lines and support services in most countries. Do this before you post anything public.

Your safety comes first. If the other person could see the post, talk to a domestic violence hotline before posting. The hotline can help you make a safety plan at no cost. Gather a safe email address the other person cannot read. Make a simple list of costs for a safe move. Keep names, photos, locations and the other person's name out of every draft.

You do not have to post under your own name. A trusted friend can post on your behalf with your agreement. HelpBLESS does not allow phone numbers, emails, payment handles or links in a post. Questions are asked and answered in the public comments. If the post involves a child, a parent or legal guardian must post it, with first names only and no school or home details.

Start with the need, not the whole story. A title template: Help with moving costs to leave an unsafe home. Then say what the money is for: I am working with a hotline on a safety plan. I need [amount] for a deposit, moving costs, a phone, and essentials. Keep it short and specific.

If a friend is posting for you, write: A friend is posting this with my agreement. Please ask questions in the post. Use general terms for where you are going and who is with you. Leave out details that could identify you.

Do not describe the other person's behavior in detail if that could identify you. Do not list schools, workplaces, shelters or times. If you need to explain urgency, say the move is time-sensitive and give the date you need to be out, not the address.

HelpBLESS offers optional badges: Photo verified, Government ID, Address verified, Organization verified, and Background check on file. Only reviewers see your documents. The public sees a badge. Use the ones that fit your situation.

A cost list is stronger proof than a long story. Show the total and the main lines: deposit or first month somewhere safe, moving costs, replacing a phone, and essentials for you and any children. You do not need to show bank statements or personal papers in the post.

Supporters will ask if it is safe for you to post publicly, how they can help without putting you at risk, and whether someone you trust is organizing for you. Answer in general terms. If someone offers a ride, a place to stay, or care in a home, HelpBLESS requires that person to have a verified photo, ID or background check first.

Use a Money: Funds for a specific, genuine need post. Money and Bills posts set a goal between $10 and $1,000,000. Whatever is raised is paid out, even if the goal is not reached. Posting is free, up to three needs a day per account, and posts never expire. Set a goal that matches your cost list.

Keep the goal tied to leaving safely. Do not pad it with guesses or promises. If your costs change, explain the change clearly. Once someone has donated, the story cannot be rewritten; changes are explained in an update.

Call 211 for free, confidential help near you with rent, utilities, food, health care and more. Ask what papers or steps the local program needs. Rules vary by place. Write down what you learn and compare it with your cost list.

The National Domestic Violence Hotline can help with emergency shelter at no cost. Ask what to bring and what to leave behind. If you have children, ask whether the shelter can take them with you. Do not wait until your post has donations to make these calls.

A person reviews each post before it goes live, usually within a day. If a post is declined, you will see the reason. Fix it and resubmit at no cost. While you wait, keep working on your safety plan and cost list.

Use updates with photos of receipts and progress, but crop out names, addresses and account numbers. You can send one thank-you note to all donors. Reply in the post thread, and do not move to private messages if that would expose you.

Use the share buttons, printable flyer with QR code, ready-to-send messages and embed card only with people you trust. Up to five co-organizers can help post updates; money is always paid to the poster. Before you meet anyone, read the Safety center: How to meet, give and accept help safely. Every post has a Report button, and HelpBLESS staff follow up on reports.